Hi, you wanna know about us?By: Nikos Mixas
Art by: Joshua M. Wilkinson
It’s the May edition of THE SLUIDGELORD’S 666 PACK REVIEW! While some of you may be graduating school or looking for a summer job, the album/demo submissions keep pouring into THE SLUDGELORD’S inbox for review. If you’re new to this, each and every month we handpick 6review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1to 666! Check out our very spring-like rating scale below:
1– We’re guessing when you let your mother listen to your band on Mother’s Day, she cried...
2– Even with Shinedown, Sevendust and Five Finger Death Punch releasing new material this month, that still won’t help your cause.
3– May is the most average month of the year, it’s not too shabby, nor exactly great. Congrats on being a May!
4 – Just like the new Candlemass, we’re intrigued. Keep working at it.
5– Time to start planning those mini-tour dates! You need to get yourselves out there!
666– THE SLUDGELORD crowns you with flower helmet encrusted in emeralds representing fertility and success because that’s the best we can do for May! Hails!
Caveat: Even though the 666 PACK REVIEW is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will only make you sound like a bellyacher. THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….
1). vAv, “vAv”(Tel Aviv, Israel) Rating: 3
Textbook doom that plays it safe.
2). Arakk, “Under Søvnen” (Copenhagen, Denmark) Rating: 3
Two songs, too similar, too bad.
3). End of Hope,“D E M O” (New York City, U.S.A.) Rating: 2
I’m “hoping” this isn’t the “end.”
4). Denim Casket,“Demo” (Boise, U.S.A.) Rating: 5
Old school grind meets G.G. Allin
5). Titanosaur, “Eat Me”(Hudson, U.S.A.) Rating: 1
One man band with computer skillz.
6). Montagne, “Spring Birds” (Paris, France) Rating: 4
Post Hardcore is still a thing?
Bonus: Yanari, “Marine Leg Demo” (Buffalo, U.S.A.) Rating: 4
Solid doomage. Vocals are missing reverb.
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